i really hate this ‘ur other half is out there somewhere u just gotta meet them’ like fuck off im not incomplete im a whole person and i dont need anyone to ‘complete me’ the only thing i need is a pizza and not ur shit bye
my dick has a lot in common with the sun
nobody likes looking directly at it?
It gives people cancer?
woAh woah woah
It rises at the crack of dawn?
it disappears at night?
direct exposure often leads to a nasty case of sunburn?
it needs to stay approximately 92,960,000 miles away from me?
nobody will ever touch it?
Such polite barks
he gets up all excited the last time like YEAH I’M GONNA SPEAK YEAH WATCH THIS
at first i thought it was a hispanic broadway star remembering a loved one and then i realised it was jared padalecki
so me and my siblings (theres 3 of us) were eating dinner with my dad and we were talking about dad jokes and all of a sudden my dad goes “ive only made 3 jokes in my life and theyre all sitting in front of me”
the dad joke to end all dad jokes
what she says: i’m fine
what she means: I’m staring into a lightless abyss. Steve Roger’s unconditional loyalty to Bucky Barnes has made me a shell of a human being; the fact that Bucky saved Steve’s life without even really knowing who he was has crushed my soul. If you’re not here to talk to me about the winter soldier, don’t talk to me at all. I’m with you til the end of the line, pal.
i think it’s cute when someone admits they have a crush on you
i think it’s a fucking miracle
YES I GOOGLED HOW TO TAKE A SCREEN SHOT FIGHT ME